Messages from your Mom

Hey, your moms messaged me asking how everything’s going. Inquiring if I’m up for grabs or taken, if I got kids on the way or ones that are almost speaking. A lot can happen with time and distance once a relationship has been broken to pieces.

Talks with your moms brewed emotions, stronger than Cuban coffee with a dash of Columbian powdered lactose that’s cut with coke. Those three dots erupted a commotion of emotions within my flesh-n-muscle soul-powered locomotive and the gears of my heart grinded thinking of what message is attached to her keystroking. I choke on my own spit as I read what she says. “I miss you everyday and hope we can remain as close friends.” I begin typing away a brief, amicable n sincere rejoinder and before I could reply to her, my cellscreen switches to an incoming call from your mother. I hesitate but answer and quickly initiate to conversate. She did nothing wrong to me and to be honest I miss her loving sympathy. A genuine compassion, unconditional. But it’s making my heart feel trivial…

I hold back my tears and hear her every word, as she tangents off and began to spew of her life and yours. How she feels sorry for what occurred, she hoped my focal-point’s sores are recovered and have not given up on love anymore. I’m torn to bits and burst into an internal fit as I do not admit to her, that my heart is scorned from what her offspring did. I simply tell her, “Everything’s going. It is, what it is.” I keep my talk short and sweet. I’m cordial and respectful but a sensation of a vocal tension arose, after my closing statement “What can we do? You live and you learn.” Your mom said goodbye with tone of rejoice and said, “We’ve missed the sound of your voice…”

I replied in a likewise manner wishing her and what’s hers a bright future.

I now feel like I have closure. I still wish you all nothing but the best.

But it’s time to free my mind and take care of me and mine.

To finally let

my f*cking heart rest.

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L Word

Listen carefully to each rhythmically thump my heart pumps to a beat,

Observe the beauty flourishing within this being.

Venture away with me and see how

Everything is better when its you n me against the grain of these mean streets…

Mistakes made turn into lessons and we learn from our previous situations.

Enforcing the self growth needed to realize one’s worth

Understand that i’m struggling to do this alone, but never forfeiting.

Negligent when beat and tired, but not losing sight of what keeps me inspired.

Cease fire and hold the attack, 

Offer aid to liberate from drowning in one’s own dread.

Notice, i no longer want to hide away behind the words i’m too afraid to say,

Demonstrating that i’m making changes, allowing myself to start “growing.”

I intend to mend the bends in my heart, keeping me from reaching “dreams.”

Telling tales of the battles where i prevail and not holding the times i’ve failed.

Intellectual and admirable, i’d like to be without appearing so off-putting.

Onstage i’m vulnerable, but stonewall my emotions when away from the rostrum. So

Nab the mic and let your words take flight

Allow your heart to coincide with mine,

Let me love you that way i do, hard.

Lacerating the pain away.

Yearning for those 3 words that left me torn, but i’m relearning though i’m scorned.